Apparently Beans and Lulu have been secretly making friends on the Internet. I just found out they’ve been emailing back and forth with Burger, the lovable 8-pound chihuahua who makes cameos over on Young House Love. He even has his own blog, Hamburger’s House. Beans and Lulu must’ve invited Burger to write a post for Dog Milk as one showed up in my inbox, and it’s a goodie. I’ll just let Burger take it from here…

Ok, Burger here. I thought about what I could say and realized that anything that I write is pure gold, so I’m going to riff about home improvement + dogs. Here are a few quick tips for learning to survive in a house with two crazy DIY obsessed owners. You guys might want to take some notes.

Rule #1: Bark at everything. You never know if loud noises are intentional hammering by the rents or the sounds of some evil intruder off the streets trying to break in and steal your treats. Better safe than sorry. That’s all I’m saying.

Rule #2: Refuse to help. Are you a dog or are you a laborer? You’re a dog. So do what you do best. Curl up on the couch and watch those humans sweat.

Dog Talk: Burgers Home Renovation Survival Tips in other

Rule #3: Nails aren’t food. Don’t jump up off the couch to eagerly sniff a nail that dropped to the floor. It does not smell like bacon or pumpkin pie or anything worth running towards. It smells like metal — kinda like a fire hydrant. And we pee on those.

Rule #4: Say yes to quality control. New pillows should be smashed and sat upon. New furniture should be used for jumping and climbing. And for goodness sake, if the humans decide to take a pizza break, go ahead and make sure it’s not poisoned by sneaking a few bites before they realize what you’re doing. It’s for their own good.

Rule #5: Never let them see you flinch. If you parents notice that you jump every time they fire the nail gun, they’ll think it’s funny. And they’ll laugh at you. Trust me — nothing’s worse than guffawing two-leggers. So build up a nice tolerance to those loud sounds like I have. Never let them see you sweat. That’s their job.

Dog Talk: Burgers Home Renovation Survival Tips in other

Hope that does the trick for ya. You can check out a ton of photos of yours truly on my blog.